Full debut
Having spent an entire season training (and in the process losing enough weight that hardly any of my clothes fit me properly anymore), I made my first start for my football team on Saturday.

Thinking back over my football career, I've actually just realised that this was the first occasion when I've played a competitive eleven-a-side fixture. Ever. My only games for my primary school being a pre-season friendly (first half only) against the local public school, and a second XI fixture against another school who'd just been given a new kit by someone vaguely famous, and so were featured on Look North (full match).

My two appearances from the bench this season have seen us garner four points (although in the first game, we were leading 2-0 and went on to draw 2-2; and in the second we were already several goals up and the game was won). So it was unsurprising that I was somewhat nervous before the game started.

Playing at right back, the first half seemed to last an age - during which time I had a few decent touches, but also got done for pace by their left winger on one occasion, and didn't head a single ball. My ever supportive other encouraging me to "commit" (I married her, what more does she want?).

The half ended on a sad note, with us leading 1-0, but losing our best performing player to a serious injury, and half time being called a minute early as we waited for the ambulance.

Regrouping at half-time, we went out a reinvigorated side, and played much better. The opposition tired, and despite the rejig to our backline which was necessitated by the injury, we defended better as a team. I even started to win headers, put in one beautiful sliding tackle, and generally played much better. It was surely no co-incidence that we scored three second half goals, and won 4-0.
- posted by Paul @ 1:54 pm |

 
BMI Baby
As you may recall, I've steadily been looking at ways to improve my health over the last 15 months or so. In January 2006 I gave up alcohol for a month, and in doing so transformed my approach to booze. During Lent last year I gave up having sugar in my tea and coffee, something which I subsequently carried on. Last summer, I joined a football team.

As a result of these small steps, together with a much improved approach to portion control, I am pleased to say that my Body Mass Index is now an astonishingly healthy 22, putting me right in the middle of the healthy section of the graph, given my height and current weight.

In effect my weight is now down at the same level it was when I was 20, and with my weekly bursts of football related exercise (in particular the gruelling two hour training session on a Tuesday evening) I'm in the best shape I've been in for a long time. My beer belly, nurtured over years of studious drinking is now largely gone. My double chin has diminished, my stamina has increased and most of my clothes now look incredibly baggy. In short, I'm half the man I used to be.

Not bad, seeing as I recently turned 28, and have spent much of the last eight years doing very little exercise (one half marathon, notwithstanding).
- posted by Paul @ 2:57 pm |

 
BUY MY BOOK!
It's official. The Fairy Godmother of blogging (his words, not mine) has decreed that I am officially funny (and not just to look at).

So now you must go and BUY THE BOOK.



Do it now, and then read my despairing attempts at humour, and contributions by a host of far funnier bloggers whose offerings will surely have you wetting yourselves with laughter. (Including 1000 shades favourites Crinklybee, Jonny B, My Boyfriend is a twat, Diamond Geezer, Miss Mish and The Girl, as well as a whole host of bloggers whose blogs I should read more frequently.)

Those of you with a penchant for reading on public transport may wish to invest in some good quality incontinence pants.

Happy Red Nose Day!
- posted by Paul @ 10:08 am |

 
Make him laugh
Over at Troubled Diva, Mike is doing his bit for Comic Relief by trying to get other people to write a book. If you are feeling inspired to do your bit for charity and have said something funny on your blog (and are British) then why not send it to Mike in aid of a good cause.

Alternatively, you could just see if the idea comes to fruition and then buy the book.
- posted by Paul @ 5:25 pm |

 
Swords and liberals
As noted by my other half, we spent Saturday at the wedding of some friends from University largely fending off questions regarding our own family planning.

Personally, I found being surrounded by a lot of men with swords slightly disconcerting, but in truth the wedding was clearly stamped with the mark of the couple involved, and I'm sure they had an excellent day (as did we - armed guests notwithstanding).

Quote of the day goes to the army chaplain performing the ceremony who came out with this, frankly brilliant, effort midway through his sermon:

"...the Church of England is becoming more liberal than the Dutch Government..."

Genius.

So hearty congratulations to the bride and groom, whose honeymoon is currently on hold whilst the groom goes off to work on his tan.
- posted by Paul @ 3:48 pm |