1000 Shades of Grey
Thursday, September 15, 2005
A few years ago, I read an interview in a magazine with a sportsman, which included the question: Which sports commentator would you want to commentate on you having sex?
It's a question I've always thought slightly intriguing given the options available.
Consider the possibilities:
John Motson - Always thought the array of stats that Motty has at his fingertips would be slightly unnerving.
Sample Quote: "That's the fifth time he's scored like that this year, the last time being away at Kettering on a wet Wednesday night in February"
Barry Davis - On balance, probably a bit too head masterly - whilst some people like a spot of discipline it could be off putting.
SQ: "Oh will you look at that, he looks lost"
Murray Walker - Would inject some energy and passion into proceedings, but perhaps he'd jump straight into the action, with little attention to the build up.
SQ: "..and here comes Mansel"
Jonathan Pearce - Tendency to be too excited too soon, and also a bit too nationalistic for my taste at times
SQ: "He scores! Come on England"
Fred Truman - tendency to hark back to his youth might be off putting
SQ: "Well, we'd never have tried that in my day"
Bill McLaren - fondness for odd shaped balls puts him at a disadvantage from the start - desire to involve groups of strangers also a bit of a no-no.
SQ: "They'll be dancing in the streets if he lands this one"
Henry Blofeld - too likely to be distracted
SQ: "My dear old thing, a red double decker bus has just gone past the window"
Whispering Ted Lowe - discretion guaranteed, but maybe too little passion. Good opportunity for double-entendre's though.
SQ: "Good cueing action there as he lines up the pink"
Richie Benaud - Aside from the fact that he'd never do it unless it was on free to air TV he'd be my choice - concise, measured, and let the action do the talking (probably with a glass of wine in hand) without the need for pointless stats or rampaging jingoism.
SQ: "Magnificent, simply magnificent"
Obviously, I've felt compelled to post this following Richie Benaud's retirement from cricket commentary in this country - like many fellow bloggers, he'll be hugely missed.
That's my pick, who would you choose?