I went to buy petrol this morning on my way to work.

Not an uncommon occurrence, and hardly worthy of note, you would think.

This morning, I left the house in plenty of time to get fuel and get to work on time. I drove to Asda and pulled up at their automated petrol pumps. I got out of the car, and inserted my card into the machine. My card was accepted, and an automated voice told me to insert the pump into my car and begin to take fuel.

(I wonder if the same person who voices Stephen Hawking does the Asda self-service petrol pumps, or whether it's Stephen Hawking himself making a few quid on the side.)

I did all of these things, except the last one. The nozzle sat in place, but no fuel came forth.

So I tried all the things that you would in this situation, I waggled the nozzle, I pumped the trigger, I swore at the machine, and finally cancelled the transaction.

Not to be deterred, I tried again at the same machine. Same machine unfortunately meant same outcome, only with more swearing on my part.

Giving up on that useless thing, I reversed up and tried the machine behind the one which didn't work. This time it refused my card (probably because it thought some joker was messing with the pumps) and I had to scrabble round my wallet to find an alternative.

Credit card duly accepted, I followed the usual routine, and once again no petrol came forth.

Issuing a torrent of obscenities I got back in the car and drove to an Esso garage, paid the extra 1p per litre and filled the car up. Happily the lady in the shop accepted my original card, and I was able to get to work on time, no thanks to Asda.