Guilty?
Channel 4 are running a series of idents (I think that's what they are called - I don't work in TV) where various faces from the channel reveal something about themselves. One of them features a load of people explaining what makes them feel guilty. Answers range from "not calling my family" to "everything, I'm Catholic."

I don't know about you, but I always consider what my answer would be.

I can safely say that at the moment it would be scaring a middle-aged woman:

Last night I went for a run. I ran for a while, then got back to my car which I had parked on the University campus. When I got back to the car, I was hot, sweaty, out of breath and badly in need of a drink. Unfortunately I'd left my water bottle at home.

Luckily, I spotted someone stick there head out of a door to one of the accommodation blocks nearby; so I went over to ask them for a drink. When I got to the open door there was nobody there, so I knocked and put my head inside in the hope of finding someone to ask. At which point a small middle-aged woman appeared, and although slightly flustered showed me to the block kitchen. I had a drink and thanked her for her kindness, and then left.

I then went and stood by my car and proceeded to warm down.

At this point, the lady who had just allowed me to have a drink of water started scurrying about, and I could see her talking to several other women. Eventually, after I had finished stretching, she shouts over to me and asks "What are you doing?".

Fortunately I have now recovered my breath, and am able to talk clearly to her. I explain that I've just been for a run, and am now stood by my car waiting for my wife who has also gone for a run, but is a bit slower than me. She then tells me that I'm acting suspiciously, shouldn't go asking for drinks of water, am lucky she hasn't called Security and questions whether it is even my car that I'm stood beside.

At which point I feel very guilty.

All I wanted was a drink, I've acted completely openly, and certainly didn't take a drink without her approval. I've stood next to the car because I thought that a man sat in a parked car looks really dodgy and yet simply because I approached her I am apparently a criminal, intent on causing her some harm.

The thing is I can see her point.

Even though I consider myself something of a gentle giant, if I was in her shoes, I'd be wary of a 6' 5" man I'd never met before asking me for a drink.

I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I've unintentionally made someone feel scared and afraid, when all I wanted was a drink.

I'm saddened that we now live in a society which expects the worst of people, and curious as to whether I could have done anything differently (apart from remember my water bottle) which would have put the woman at ease. The thing is, I just don't know.

I'm angry at myself for scaring someone, I'm annoyed at her for suspecting the worst and making me feel guilty when as far as I can tell I've done nothing wrong; but nonetheless I still feel incredibly guilty.

- posted by Paul @ 10:27 am